I am so cool that they have to spell it “kool” when referring to me…
I think that everyone who starts a blog secretly dreams that it will become popular enough to be linked to by a big, popular website that will drive a ton of new people to your site, resulting in a huge boost in your popularity… well, that time has arrived for me. Most of you are probably already familiar with www.ashandrob.com since you check it 5-6 times a day to keep up on all the news and celebrity gossip on the site. Well between all the election coverage and recent Britney Spears drama you may have missed that my little blog recently became a featured link in their “News & Links” section. Since then, the action on my site has been white hot and I figure it is just a matter of time before I become a syndicated blogger for the New York Times… don’t worry, I’ll remember you all – my early readers – when I become a filthy rich pop culture icon.
Now onto my fatness…
Most of you may recall from the Discovery Health Channel special “The Guy Who Makes the 800-pound Man Look Emaciated” that I am morbidly obese. Well guess what happens when a tub-o-lard like myself goes for a walk with his wife and Dog and slips on some ice. Do you think:
a) Melts the ice with his body fat, resulting in a huge, wet mess
b) Bounces off the ground and lands back on his feet (surprisingly nimbly for a 1,600 lb. man)
c) Falls awkwardly while putting all his weight on his left leg, has his left ankle completely buckle and pop under his body weight, then has to hobble back about a half mile to his car over uneven terrain while trying not to pass out from the pain, then gets home and pisses off his wife by telling her she has to shovel the snow off the driveway because he can’t walk… so she retaliates afterwards by watching TV shows that he hates so that he has to leave the room instead of relaxing with his foot elevated like he should be doing and even though she’s a doctor and knows that he should be resting she refuses to stop watching the show because she’s still fuming about the whole snow shoveling situation (but seriously, if you let the snow sit there it will freeze and then the driveway is a HUGE mess… plus the plow left a big mound of snow at the end of our driveway that would have iced over and totally ruined the car when you tried to drive over it… I don’t feel bad about this)
If you guessed “c” then you are correct! Don’t worry though, after initially swelling so much that it looked like a tennis ball had attached itself to my ankle things have gotten much better and I can hobble around well enough that I am no longer deathly afraid that I would be unable to escape the house in the event of a fire.
If you don’t enjoy reading things you don’t care about, then stop now…
A few quick points of interest that I may or may not elaborate on in future blogs:
- Despite Becky’s hatred for snow shoveling, she is good at gift giving… for Christmas and my birthday respectively she got me Super Mario Galaxy and Super Paper Mario for the Wii. Both games are amazing!!! (And, yes, if you are wondering I DID also get a nose hair trimmer for my birthday)
- I f***ing HATE Matt Barone!
- After using the same crappy computer for about 6 years I finally broke down and got a new one (Dell Inspiron 530s) – what a great upgrade! In addition to the joy of using a computer that doesn’t freeze or display the “blue screen of death” every 5 minutes, I had a chance to: organize our electronic files (fun, fun, fun!), get some new software (Firefox and Pidgin are GREAT!), and straighten up all the cords under my desk (OCD!!!).
- Anyone who honestly believes that Braveheart could beat Gladiator in a fight (swords and/or hand-to-hand combat only) is delusional and should probably be committed.
- Yes, I AM hosting a Super Bowl party. Yes, there will be chili and buffalo chicken dip. No, I most certainly will NOT be rooting for the Patriots.
- Facebook is lame, and people who live their lives communicating through Facebook need help; however, if there is a more addicting time-waster than Scrabulous (online Scrabble you play with a friend) then I haven’t encountered it yet. If you like Scrabble then open a Facebook account, download the Scrabulous add-on, and challenge me to a game.
- I have decided to endorse Bob Dole as the 1996 Republican nominee for president.
And finally, a bonus story…
Remember those crazy neighbors from a few posts back? Well, they set fire to their home, the house was subsequently condemned, and they haven’t been seen (by us) since. No, I’m not kidding.
HAPPY SUPER BOWL WEEKEND, EVERYONE!!!